I ended my streak of sweep bad luck this morning by not starting off with 2 flat tires. Kira and I were paired for my last sweep duty, which was bound to be trouble. Our sweep challenge was to take inappropriate pictures on the road. To further clarify, we mean to take photos of things in the distance that look like they could be your private parts, or you could be humping or something. Very adult-like. The second challenge was to make up a song about Mark since he’ll be leaving us on Saturday L. And we implemented a rule today: whoever we caught up with had to give us a lap dance.
Upon stopping at a gas station right outside of Glascow, we were warned that we were headed to “mosquito town”, and the locals gave us really dramatic warnings about how bad the bugs are there. Usually I’m not a big fan of bug spray, but today I’m all about the deet. So we stocked up and headed out.
Shortly up the road we ran into Sam, Mark, and Trav who were really getting into our challenge, which means we got the first of many lap dances, triple time. I was driving the struggle bus this morning, and had a hard time making anything happen on the bike. We stopped at a rest stop about 5 miles up to find the boys at it again. This time we got another great lap dance from Sam, and a bike hump dance from Trav.
We mass murdered grasshoppers today. They are all over the shoulders of the road, and when you ride through you can see them jumping for their lives, but unfortunately most of them jump right under the other person’s tire. Sad for them, gross for us because they hop all over you. But we felt better about that when we reached a small convenience store and were greeted by a water lap dance. It was like a Trav/Sam fountain.
Once we FINALLY made it to lunch, which seemed to take 10 days, we were greeted by the OB Café, which Denis claimed had the best burgers. So, we got a table, ordered some burgers, and chilled out. We discovered the brillance of the lazy susan as we passed everything we could back and forth and back again by placing it on the device and spinning it to each other. Once we finished the superb lunch, we realized there was no way we could get back on our bikes again. So we sat at the table saying absurd things and giggling nonstop until we decided a nap was in order.
Across the street in the grass, covered in Deet, we agreed to take a 15 minute nap. This of course turned into snoozing, and resulted in an hour-long siesta. Once we got back up and giggled uncontrollably again, we were back on the road and hauling ass until Mark got a flat. We stopped on the shoulder for another 30 minutes, chalking outlines of bodies, peeing in rumble strips, chasing locusts, and making our own version of 2 Girls, 1 Cup (without the feces). Finally we made it to the host and were greeted by hose showers.
I love hose showers. There is nothing better after a long hot day on the bike than hose water that is literally colder than ice. THe best thing about them on this trip is every person has a unique reaction to the temperature. Trav has the same hose shower noise that he makes during lap dances. Sam whimpers like a little kid, and Mark just breathes heavily, almost orgasmically. Now we are clean. Even though our minds are not.
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